ughh, that world is everything i wish i was
i try to fit in. but im just so... odd
i mean, well, that world is for everyone.
but, i want to be able to string the words together like you.
like them.
and until i can find just the right way to put everything together
i will remain here, unknown.
i want to be like hat... i mean... im obsessed yeah, but im nothing like others.
dropping lyrics as they talk.
referencing to songs.
complete obsession in a non embarrassing way.
i cant describe how i feel about all this. no one has an idea about what's going on in my mind. all i know, is that i wish i was able to write.
i love to write. to type. to imagine. but my mind wasnt made to be doing anything like that. i dont know what i am meant to do in life. but i wish i could be like you. i wish i read every day, that i had a favourite poet and author, that i had an ability to write how i wish i could.
all that forms in my mind is envy.
jealousy.
Getting through today without doing anything rash or drastic or stupid took a ton of self restraint and effort on my part. I consider making it past this day a hard enough challenge for myself. Just keeping relatively sane is an accomplishment for today.
I'm in a funk and I can't get out right now. I hate when I get like this. I hate that I love this. I savor every emotion that comes with me being broken. It tell me I'm alive at least. It's twisted and wrong but I just have to wait until I'm over this. I don't make sense and my words come out backwards (I've got this lefty curse). I sink like a stone.
(She doesn't even notice when I cry. She tells me not to be grumpy when I get like this [she thinks I'm in miserable mood for some petty reason and scolds me for it, hah], to be happy I have a 4 day weekend. That isn't going to help me now.)
I want to get under peoples skin and work my way into their mind. I want to be great and remembered.
I've been having dreams and they blend with reality. I can't tell the difference anymore between fact and fiction except in real life you're no where near me. Honestly, I get so confused when I remember things that never ever happened to me. I don't where they came from.
it was called "the world has its shine (but i would drop it on a dime)" and yes i do realise that that is a cobra starship song. i mean, i only have a complete obsession with that band. anyway.
it spok to me and i want to read every other part of it. it may not speak to you. it may sound like rubbish. but theres something about it.
tryingtofindthewords
i wish i could write like you.
and so begins the time when i will allow myself to post more than one in a day.
wish my luck as i try to grow.
x♥x
