i should have seen it coming.

so im not the only one.
well i should have picked up on that
considering how obvious it was.
and i hate the way you went about it.

doesnt help that shes perfect.
well at least i live in the same country.

this is how i jynx everything.
oh well, i needed to say it.

i found the source of everything.

this.
all of it.
it all began here.

despite it all
if i could take it back
i would.
the problem is...
...you said without me, you wouldnt have made it.

so would i give you up for a shot at happiness?
i couldnt do it.

i ended my life to save yours.

"a plank of wood with a pencil nailed into it would be able to write that"
i didnt make this to be a good writer.
i dont say what i do to be a good writer.
it just...needs to be said.

and i take back what i said. hes gorgeous.

damn jealousy.

shes dangerous, make no mistake.

the worst thing about it
is knowing what will happen
in the future.



...nothing.

it all was meant for my eyes only.

as much as i wished it was for everyone to see
i now wishi had kept the secret.
i talk in such a way that
when i read back...its mysterious
to even me.

i cant believe these few days
have been spent with you on my mind.
when a thought shouldnt even pass
at all.
but i guess not much can be done.
ill just harbour the feelings
until someone else comes a long.
hopefully that wont be too far away...

...thankfully things have been
looking up this past week.
i wont list everything once again
and nothing is for certain
but im happy to actually have
these good thoughts running through my head.

and you know what else i discovered
these past few days?

i dont rely on you all the time anymore.
i found my own wings.
and its almost like i couldnt be happier.

not long now.

okay ive calmed down a bit now.
sometimes i probably shouldnt blog
when im in such moods as yesterday.
everything comes off a bit harsh.

but i guess it gets the message across.

right now
he is making things worse
unintentionally.
mainly im making it worse
by hunting every other thing down
besides what was said.

oh well.
ill be content on making myself feel worse.
in the meantime, ill keep on daydreaming.

cant wait to see you.

to whom it may concern

fuck you all.

drown tonights events with those pills. dont they look inviting?

im pretty much in love
with everything about you.

yeah ill look back at this and laugh.
so what?
but really...
youre pretty much amazing.

what you say involves actual brain use.
nothing like the other person
of the same name.
you have actual dignity
and pretty much the opposite of asshole.


what hurts is...
you ignore me.
just like everyone else.

tell me what i do so wrong
that makes me appear to be
so unappealing...

"its obvious were not friends anymore"

so i didnt reply to your bulletin
and that automatically means were not friends??
what if i DIDNT read the bulletin?

look, i know im not on msn. so-fucking-what?
when im on we dont say anything anyway.

youve changed.

and really, if you dont think i friends then prove it.
nothing is stopping you from talking to me first.

you know what ive come to realise.
every time you comment my posts
you avoid the topic.
you say lyrics
or tlk about someone else.
you never acknowledge it.
and im sick of it.

but i still love you.
stop acting as if i yelled i hate you.

do you know how muchi wish i could tell you?

"what about peter"

naww.


then i made a fucktard of myself.
do you know how much i wish you were my age?
and lived a tiny bit closer...
in general, im being a complete obsessive loser.
you dont care.

youre laughing right now.



one day itll all be over.

what weird timing. now its all because of you, isnt it?

i feel so horrible for doing it.
i regret it so much.
i know what i did was wrong.
i told you over and over again that im not as "awesome" as you think i am.
you dont know me.
you think you do.
how can you saw how much i mean to you if its things like this that you dont know about?
i know what i did was wrong.

im sorry.