i hate myself for this. i fall for people too easily. i latch onto the smallest of things. you know, you were the first guy i could talk to and who made me smile and laugh since aaron. you were the first guy who would actually take the time to say hello to me. you treated me as an actual friend. you complimented me. i discovered that you can write and string words together whit such emotion. and you know what, it was you who made me as happy as i have been for the past month or so. you kickstarted this optimism ive been having, it all started from that first conversation you had with me.
but i should have seen that downside that was hiding all along. waiting to send me back deep into thought, where i conjour up ideas that make me so unhappy and miserable. even though you were the one who started the conversaions, you eventually got to a stage where you would ignore everything i say. without a word, you would pretend as if you couldnt hear me. not one reply, not one ounce of acknowledgement. thios happened a number of times but i ignored it on behalf of overthinking. then you went and proved that you were ignoring me.
but thats not only what im angry about. what makes you an asshole is not that you did it to me. but that you have done it to others. you talk to someone as often as you can. whether they reply or not. you act as if you and that person are the best of friends. but as soon as someone more interesting comes along, it is as if we never exsisted.
im pretty sure im making this out to be A LOT less worse than what it actually is.
im sick of your shit. and im sick of you making it out as if nothing has happened, as if you dont know what you are doing or what you have done.
all i want tonight is someone sitting next to me.
i know i say that a lot. i know everyone says that a lot.
when i read what you have to say, all i can think about is how good it would actually be to have someone. this is starting to get to me again. i hate it, you shouldnt have to be worrying about this at my age. but its all that consumes my mind. seeing everyone around me, hearing it all from others. i want to know what its like. i want to experience it for myself. i want to know what its like , i want to find out for myself.
i hate this. i hate talking about me. i hate complaining. but i do it all the time.
even though i could have it so much worse off.
