typical.

ditched, again.
taking this out of porportion?
yes.
but it doesnt matter anymore.

see, im just like you
too many people are in this exact situation
its pretty stupid really.

hmm perhaps i should quit all this, before i jump to conclusions.

you know, if im right
i feel terribly sorry for you right now
must suck falling for the wrong person
telling them so
seeing them ignore you every day
but you keep insisting on trying to talk to them
ending the same way you always did.
then, your chance is gone and youre no further than you were before
seeing them with someone else
but putting on a happy face.
its not the fact that she doesnt love you back.
no, thats not why i feel sympathy.
its because of the way she treats you
yet you still consider her your best friend.

the world continues to confuse me.

do all you can to keep me blind.

okay, lets get this straight.
to the few people who i told about this blog
none of the recent blogs have been about you.
they have been about others
who treat me, pretty much, like crap.
even if it sounds like it is refering to you
it isnt.

the getaway plan, goodnight nurse and closure in moscow on saturday.
wow, i dont know if i could get much more excited.

these massive pauses seem somehow familiar.
i just find it a little crazy how the only time
people actually continue to have a conversation with me
is when they start the conversation tthemselves.
if i am the one who starts it
the conversation doesnt get past the 'how are you's.
therefore, i am no longer starting conversations.
in person. on the internet. anywhere.
i think im just getting over being forgotten,
ignored or whatever it is you all do to me.

but i guess im over reacting.
btw, im sick of you venting on me
and not giving a shit about everyone else around you.
grow a fucking brain
stop attention seeking.

before i end this, i want to apologise for some posts i made in the past.
i mean, wayy back in the past.
its called being naive, stupid and inexperienced.
and i over react/analise
im sure that didnt help.

10.

im very much over being ignored
even tho the people who i am being ignored by
arent thatimportant anyway.

friday night was definatly not what i expected
dad had to take me and needless to say
he wasnt happy.
he had a fight with cindy about it
which i cant understand, but anyway.
when i got there, i watched them perform
pretty awesome if i do say so myself.
afterwards, they disappeared pretty quickly
which pissed everyone off
because they promised to come talk to us
but whatever.

on a different end of all this, i realized
that the only reason i even like you in the first place
is not because of how you look or what you say
its because i dont talk to anyone else.
but if i ever did get the courage to meet new people
i dont even know if id give you a second glance.
which is quite cruel really.

whoops.

i regret the simplest&smallest things.

­

you can burn every book you want
and delete every word you write.
but you can never burn the truth
and never re write history.

better off wishing for the stars to kill the sun.

passendale. thesinkingsea. theblackandwhite. friends.
i think im quite angry im missing out on the best night
and replacing it with the worst performance ever
but ill get over it.

yet another friday lies ahead
one again i wish for it to be here
it better be good. im looking forward to it.
and i think im hoping a little too hard
so ill probably come home feeling crap
like last time.

once again, i bring this onto him
but i dont think any of this is a good idea
well then again, ive been thinking
and i reached the conclusion
that this is taking far too long.

im settling for your friendship
would you please stop ignoring that
but i guess i do the same thing in your situation
so i guess this is a wakeup call.

15.

just come see me already.

and stop tricking me into believing things that arent real.
im willing to hold onto anything stupid
so just stop it.

i gave in already.

its getting to a point where im just going to accept anything.

please let friday be a night to remember.
..well, moreso than the others.

dont be silly.

youve always been there for me.



you just have to beware of my over reactions.
they happen frequently.

also, its becoming more obvious that some people
seem to be only talking to me when it is
convienient to them.
fine, if you dont want to talk to me
and if youre too busy doing god knows what with you know who
throw this friendship away.

the only thing is
ill still be here waiting to forgive you.

thanks for destroyig that hope.

for once, i actually did believe that
it was me you were refering too
but of course it wasnt.
thats okay, it actually feels good to
be recognised for a change
tho, it doesnt seem right.
im not sure, ill keep thinking this through
as usual.

bring on the holidays.

not the best day ive had lately.

it makes me feel so loved
when people only decide to talk to me
when they have problems
have something to brag about
or no one else is listening to them
and then when theyre done
decide to leave
or completely ignore me.

youre all lucky that i am gutless.

oh, and id love it if someone taught me
something other than small talk.
it gets tiring -
"how are you..how was your day..what are you doing..*silence*"

it hurts in the worst way now that youre gone. its so wrong.

i dont know why i keep insisting on doing this.
all i know is without you, i wouldnt be this happy
but without you, i wouldnt be feeling like shit either.

thanks for making me see the light
but next time dont steal my heart as well.




haha i hate it when i do that.

i have to take you [out] sometime

'fuck girls confuse me. this girl likes me and she hasnt even met me'
now ive become cautious
thanks a lot.
well i would have been cautious anyway
thats who i am.
why dont you do something then. everythings not going to just come to you


icantgetyouoffmymind
thisisfrigganridiculous
andpleasetellmeimtheone
youvebeentalkingaboutallthistime
butidontknowifitshouldhappen.

this is just too weird.
damn nightfill.

"you gotta stop letting people walk all over you"

people make no sense whatsoever.

oh well, the hope crashed an burned like the rest
but to be honest i dont care.

"this is reality. people get scared by the truth."

you say you want the truth
when you get it,
you get angry or upset
'why did you tell me that for'
everyone lives happier in a world of lies.

you are amazing.
i dont know what else to say.
you talk, you make me smile, you make me laugh.
you tell me how it is,
but not in the whole "aww whats wrong" sort of way.
thanks for showing me the light.
you know, ive talked to heaps of people
about whats going on in my mind
my problems etc.
you dont know about any of those problems
but already you have given me the best advice ive recieved.
xo

id give anything to change.

but at the same time, i guess i wouldnt.

if only i could reach the place you both have reached.
i wish for too much that
i forget my reality is actually fine.

im doing this to myself.

blahblahblah

i wish it came naturally to me too.

i need to learn not to dwell.